BEST THINGS DURING THE WORST YEAR (10/20/20)
I’ve had with this election. I’ve had it with creepy politicians begging me for a $5 contribution on the internet. I’ve decided you need...
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WHAT’S TO BECOME OF US? (10/13/20)
Let’s start with the presidential debates. There will be more debates. Trump is running behind and he needs them. In the last few weeks...
MEA CULPA, I THINK (10/6/20)
I’m about to do something that Donald Trump has never once done in the 74 years of his life. I am about to apologize for something I...
WHEN A FEW THOUSAND STRANGERS R.S.V.P. (9/29/20)
JodyAnn Morgan, left, and Chaya Milchtein with their officiant, L.S. Quinn. The two were married Aug. 29 in Indianapolis. There I was,...
IF WE SHOULD MEET AND I IGNORE YOU (9/22/20)
Are you like me? Stuck for life with a horrible memory for names and faces? The truth is, I have a great memory for the most trivial of...
AN OLD MAN’S LAMENT – I WANT TO GO BACK (9/15/20)
I want to go back to a time when the only people who wore masks were bank robbers. I want to go back to a time when the New York Times...
ONCE UPON A MATTRESS (9/8/20)
This is an old column I wrote years ago. My ability to communicate hasn’t improved since then. ONCE UPON A MATTRESS What are the three...
WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 4TH, 2020 – THE GREATEST DAY IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD (9/1/20)
A day when there was dancing in the streets … Strong men cried with joy … Strangers hugged and kissed each other in every town in the...
THIS EXCHANGE OF EMAILS SHOULD EXPLAIN EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT MEN (8/25/20)
This is an old column I wrote a few years ago. I’m repeating it because I’m too depressed about summer being over to write a new column....
WHEN THE LAST OF YOUR THREE GODS IS DEAD (8/18/20)
15 wasn’t a great age for me. 16 was even worse. I was failing every class at Lafayette High School. Hell, I failed Italian. How could I...
MY DEAD BIRD (8/11/20)
My birds are laughing at me. It started when I went on coronavirus lockdown on March 13. After I was in my stuck in my house for a month...
I’M DEPRESSED (8/4/20)
This is an old column I’m bringing up-to-date today because if I thought I was depressed then, I had no idea what depression could be in...
CAN'T WE INDICT MAYOR BILL DE BLASIO FOR MURDER? (7/28/20)
In New York City on July 12, Davell Gardner, a sweet little one-year-old baby, was sitting in his stroller at a family barbecue. All of a...
IT'S ANOTHER YEAR AND ANOTHER BIRTHDAY, ONCE AGAIN PROVING "ONLY THE GOOD DIE YOUNG" (7/21/20)
This is practically the same birthday column I write every year. But this, of course, is the weirdest year in all the weird years of my...
IF THEY KEEP THIS UP, BLACK LIVES MATTER PROTESTERS WILL GET DONALD TRUMP RE-ELECTED (7/14/20)
I believe that black lives matter. I always have and I always will. But I can believe that black lives matter without believing in the...
WE'RE SCREWED ... THE SEX ROBOTS ARE COMING!! (7/7/20)
I'm going with an old column this week because I'm depressed that there's nothing funny in the world we live in. There is sickness and...
CELEBRATING THE WEIRDEST FOURTH OF JULY SINCE 1776 (6/30/20)
I wrote a version of this column last year, and if I'm still here I will publish it again next year: "O beautiful for spacious skies,...
I'M SICK OF... (6/16/20)
I'm sick of COVID-19. I'm sick of whites vs. blacks. I'm sick of Democrats vs. Republicans. I'm sick of straights vs. gays. I'm sick of...
HIGH SCHOOL - 1957 VS. 2020 (6/9/20)
The world is changing too fast for me. I'm taking a break this week. This is an old column. Maybe it will make you smile. Maybe it will...
A GLIMMER OF HOPE (6/2/20)
"Yesterday All my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday." I can't get the...