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FOUR RELATIVES AND A FUNERAL

Everybody’s dying. I know that sooner or later we all must die, but lately it’s happening sooner to so many people I know. These days...

THE “PC NAZIS” HAVE WON

It was a “politically correct” witch hunt, and you and I have lost. To show they’re in charge, the PC idiots have decided that there are...

WAS STEVE JOBS THE DEVIL?

Steve Jobs was a genius and he belongs right up there with Edison and Alan Turing (the man who really invented the computer) and Bill...

THE IRISHMAN

I cried like a baby the first time I saw a movie. Maybe it was because I was a baby. I was three years old. The movie was “Jessie James”...

CONFESSIONS OF A CLUMSY OAF

This is a column that I wrote 25 years ago. Let me state right now that every word you are about to read is true. This happened exactly...

THE YEAR I PLAYED FOR THE NEW YORK YANKEES

Inside the Tortured Mind of a 10-Year-Old Boy I wish I could feel it again. I so wish I could feel it again – even for a few seconds. I...

THE WACKY LITTLE PUPPY

We have a new puppy. I’ve named him Mussolini. It’s a balance thing. We now have one dog named Shlomo, which is a Jewish name, so it...

A CRAZY PUPPY AND A SEX-HAPPY LOVEBIRD

HELP! Dogs and birds have taken over my life. We now have 4, count them, 4 dogs running around the house in Bridgehampton. There’s my...

MY CONEY ISLAND

When it comes to beaches, nothing compares to the Hamptons. Malibu? It’s a puny strip of sand. Cannes? Great for bare boobs, but it’s a...

STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS

Did I ever tell you about when I had leprosy? It was really not that serious. Cured it with Pepto-Bismol. The fact is, I have had every...

THE WORLD’S MEANEST WOMAN

Every once in a while you read a story in the newspapers and you’re struck with how cruel people can be to each other. Take the story in...