Jerry Della Femina
AND THE NEXT PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES WILL BE...
There may be some light at the end of the tunnel.
On a weekend when the monster Trump decided to tear-gas little children whose only crime is that their parents would like to apply for asylum to live in what used to be the greatest country in the world, a small, almost ignored, news item made my day.
Cory Booker has announced, “I will consider running for president.” Booker went on to say, “That’s something that I will do. There’s people in New Jersey who are talking to me about it, across the country that are talking to me about it, so I will consider that.”
OK, so Booker is not the most scintillating political speaker in the world, but think about all the fun a Donald Trump vs. Cory Booker presidential race would be.
To begin with, there are rumors that Cory Booker may be gay. Just google that.
NOT THAT THERE’S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT.
But Trump will get together with those members of his old vicious team who are not in jail and come up with a new version of “Lock Her Up.”
He’ll get a new dose of evil from his old crony Steve Bannon and together they will come up with a new disgusting nickname for Booker.
Hell, all someone has to do is fire on Fort Sumter and this country could be in another civil war.
But by 2020 the economy will be softer, thanks to the terrible Trump tariffs, and many Americans will wake up to the fact that Trump didn’t make the United States great again. Instead, he destroyed so much of the decency this country always had.
I predicted Cory Booker would replace Barack Obama in a column I wrote on July 31, 2013. I repeated it in 2015. Here it is, word for word. If only someone had listened:
AND THE NEXT PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES WILL BE…
July 31, 2013
Democrats are many things; stupid is not one of them.
They have held on to the Oval Office for eight years.
They plan to hold on to it until 2024.
They have a winning formula and I’m betting when all is said and done, they will stick to it.
The formula calls for their presidential candidate to be tall, handsome, young, intelligent, articulate, with a great voice and, oh yes, he must be black.
Forget for a second that many people believe that by 2016, after eight years in office, Barack Obama – who had all those attributes when he was elected – will be challenging James Buchanan, Millard Fillmore, Warren Harding, Herbert Hoover and Jimmy Carter for the title of the weakest president in our nation’s history.
Instead, Republicans must live with the fact that in 2016, on his last disappointing day in office, Barack Obama could run and still easily defeat any Republican challenger for the presidency.
The formula holds.
Here’s how it works: A black candidate for president automatically wins 93 to 96 percent of the black vote. This is considered by liberals to be “acceptable” racism.
Thus, Democrats will easily carry urban areas with large African-American populations. This includes cities like New York, Los Angeles, Philadelphia, Chicago, Newark, Cleveland, and Detroit.
This edge usually adds up to a Democratic victory in New York, California, Pennsylvania, Illinois, New Jersey, Ohio, and Michigan – states with about 180 electoral votes of the 270 electoral votes needed for a victory.
Next we come to Latinos. As a Republican, I must ask are there any more stupid things that Republicans can do to discourage Latinos from voting for a Republican presidential candidate? I think not.
Then of course there is the union vote. Democrats own that, too.
Gays? They will vote unanimously for the black candidate I’m suggesting.
Liberals? Would they love another black president? You bet their bleeding hearts they would.
And finally we come to Democrats. Loyal? They are the most loyal voters on earth. They will vote for a left-wing, incompetent boob like Bill de Blasio for president before they would vote for a Republican.
Speaking of de Blasio, some friends in the know, who shall not be identified here, report that de Blasio now believes that someday he can (God forbid) run for president. The thought of de Blasio in the White House in 2024 has me looking forward to my early death.
But in 2016 I have an African-American politician who can’t lose as the Democratic candidate for president. I give you the Honorable Cory Booker as the next president of the United States.
Google “Cory Booker” and this is what you get: “He tried living on a ‘food stamp’ budget to raise awareness of food insecurity, shoveling the driveway of a constituent upon request, allowing Hurricane Sandy victims into his home, helping a constituent propose to his girlfriend, rescuing a dog from freezing temperatures, saving a woman from a house fire at his own risk.”
Are Booker’s positive actions little things? Yes, but wait until you hear them dramatized night after night on CNN, MSNBC, ABC, CBS and NBC. Booker as a U.S. Senator will have as much experience in Washington in 2016 as Obama had when he ran for the presidency.
As for Cory Booker’s record as the Mayor of Newark, you can expect a lot of front-page stories in the New York Times, starting with “The Miracle of Newark,” a four-part series that will say Newark was down and out until Booker took over as mayor.
What about Hillary, you ask? Are you talking about “Benghazi Hillary?” Are you talking about “The dog ate my email server Hillary?” Are you talking about “The line forms on the left for foreign corporations who want to contribute millions to get to be favorites of me and my boy Bill, Hillary?” But most of all ... are you talking about blacks staying home and not voting?
Do you really think the Democrat powers-that-be who deserted Hillary in 2008 are ready to risk another Democrat campaign for president on a frail almost-70-year-old woman who, as the behind-the-scenes whispering will say, once the election gets rough, “may have health issues?” She has already had more concussions than the average Chicago Bears linebacker.
And what about the Republican candidate? Once the Republican candidate is put through the Tea Party, conservative talk radio and primary-debate meat grinders, he will be confused, staggering, and will have to face the liberal media.
Buoyed by the great success of 2012 when they accused Republicans of “Waging a war on women,” in 2016 Democrats will now float the idea of giving every 12-year-old boy a supply of free condoms every month. When the Republicans protest, they will be charged with “Waging a war on children,” causing STDs, and adding to the alarming increase in illegitimate births by 13-year-olds.
“Hope and Change,” the empty promise of Barack Obama, will give way to the Booker slogan, “Power to the People.”
You say you have heard “Power to the People” before? It doesn’t matter. Democrats have great confidence in the “political Alzheimer’s” of their loyal constituents.
President Cory Anthony Booker.
Hail to the Chief.
*These were my thoughts in 2013 BT (Before Trump). If only they had listened to me.
But who am I kidding? I can’t even get my wife and kids to listen to me.
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