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  • Jerry Della Femina

BUT FIRST A COUPLE OF JOKES (4/5/22)

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail and tripped over a large snake and fell, kerplop, right on his twitchy little nose.


“Oh, please excuse me,” said the bunny. “I didn’t mean to trip over you, but I’m blind and can’t see.”


“That’s perfectly all right,” replied the snake. “To be sure, it was my fault. I didn’t mean to trip you, but I’m blind too, and I didn’t see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?”


“Well, I really don’t know,” said the bunny. “I’m blind, and I’ve never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out.”


So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, “Well, you’re soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and a dear twitchy little nose. You must be a bunny rabbit!”


The bunny said, “I can’t thank you enough. But by the way, what kind of animal are you?”


The snake replied that he didn’t know either, and the bunny agreed to examine him, and when the bunny was finished, the snake asked, “Well, what kind of an animal am I?”


The bunny had felt the snake all over and he replied, “You’re cold, you’re slippery, and you haven’t got any balls…you must be a POLITICIAN.”


****************************************************


It can finally be told…


A nun died and went to heaven. Asked if she had a special request, she sought an interview with the Virgin Mary. When Mary graciously appeared, the nun said, “Tell me, Madonna, how does it feel to be the Mother of God?”


“Well, to tell the truth, I always hoped He would be a doctor.”


****************************************************


AND NOW THE GRUMBLING…


I would be very happy if I never hear the name Will Smith again.


The more I think about the threat of January 6, the more I think Michael Pence is a tough hero who should be our next president.


Wouldn’t it be wonderful if Vladimir Putin died in his sleep tonight.


If the United Nations doesn’t condemn Russia for the genocide in Ukraine, we should withdraw and throw those useless bastards out of this country.


****************************************************


STAY AWAY FROM THE NEW LAGUARDIA AIRPORT


I’m sure somewhere in the world there is a worse airport than the new LaGuardia Airport. Let’s say Calcutta? Niger? Togo?


The fact is for political reasons they announced the new LaGuardia Airport was finished before it was finished.


The personnel are friendly, but the airport is atrocious. The signs in the airport don’t work together and an airport employee agreed that “it’s a confusing mess.”


Recently when my wife, the beautiful Judy Licht, and I arrived at the airport we asked for directions to our gate and one employee told us we were in the wrong section of the airport for our flight. When another employee overheard she told us we were in the correct section. Thank God she was right.


It’s worse when your plane lands. You walk to the baggage section and pick up your bags. Then you walk out the door for a cab or an Uber.


But no. It could be freezing. You could be boiling. You could be sick…There is nothing outside of the baggage section but confusion and unfinished construction.


You have to push and pull your luggage half a mile to an area where you can get in a line for a cab.


Yes, in the new LaGuardia you have to walk 500 feet before there is a road that can receive cars.


Fiorello LaGuardia was a great mayor.


I don’t think he should continue to have his fine name on this nightmare.


I say we rename the airport De Blasio Airport while it’s a disgusting mess.


When they get everything fixed, then we can go back to the name LaGuardia Airport.


****************************************************


LET’S HEAR IT FOR JOE BIDEN. HE’S MANAGED TO MAKE CRAZY DONALD TRUMP LOOK GOOD


During the years before Joe Biden took office, this country was energy-independent.


America was pumping 13.6 million barrels a day. (We pump less than 11 million barrels a day today.) Gas prices were down to $1.89 a gallon for regular. Crude was $40 a barrel. This month it was $130 a barrel.


Joe, who won’t go to war with Russia, has gone to war with our energy companies.


Biden made a campaign promise to cut our oil production so our cars will have energy-related carbon emissions down to net zero by 2050.


So the oil we need is not coming from our country. Instead Joe is begging, hat in hand, to Iran, Venezuela and any other evil country in the world to drill, baby, drill.


This is insane. Isn’t a drop of oil from Iran as bad for climate change as a drop of oil from our country? We have 43 billion barrels in the ground in our country. We can lead the world. We can save the world.


Yes, I believe we must do something about climate change, just as you do.


However, destroying our country in 2022 to save the world in 2050 doesn’t make sense.


It is the kind of stuff that a lot of climate change hustlers like John Kerry and dopey Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez are pushing.


Somewhere there is a young, smart politician who will become president and offer a sane climate change program. He or she will find young smart people who will come up with some great technological ways to save our world.


No, it won’t just be windmills and solar panels. It may be safe, clean nuclear energy. It may be a great new invention that will run your car for a year for pennies without any emissions.


Let’s stop living in the past and let’s make way for the future.





-If you wish to comment on “Jerry’s Ink” please send your message to jerry@dfjp.com


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