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  • Jerry Della Femina

IF ASKED I WILL DENY I EVER WROTE THIS COLUMN



EDITORIAL FROM THE WASHINGTON POST:


“The Arctic Ocean is warming up, icebergs are growing scarcer and in some places the seals are finding the water too hot, according to a report to the Commerce Department yesterday from the Consulate at Bergen, Norway. Reports from fishermen, seal hunters and explorers all point to a radical change in climate conditions and hitherto unheard of temperatures in the Arctic zone. Exploration expeditions report that scarcely any ice has been met as far north as 81 degrees 29 minutes. Soundings to a depth of 3,100 meters showed the gulf stream still very warm.


“Great masses of ice have been replaced by moraines of earth and stones, while at many points well known glaciers have entirely disappeared. Very few seals and no white fish are found in the eastern Arctic, while vast shoals of herring and smelts which have never before ventured so far north, are being encountered in the old seal fishing grounds. Within a few years it is predicted that due to the ice melt the sea will rise and make most coast cities uninhabitable.”


I must apologize – I neglected to mention that this editorial was from November 2, 1922. It was published in the Washington Post – 97 years ago!


That’s 26 years before Al Gore was born. Gore, who has made millions traveling around the country in his ozone-killing private plane warning us that the end of the world is near if we don’t all stop flying … driving … farting and doing all the other things that are destroying the atmosphere.


And this same Wall Street Journal story was written 67 years before that beautiful dope Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was born.


As a socialist/crackpot, Cortez calls for us to develop a carbon-neutral economy in 12 years or we will die. She calls for the end to cars, planes and farting cows who emit a variety of greenhouse gases; the most worrisome byproduct of their digestive tracts is methane.


Gore and Cortez are winning.


Everyone I know believes in global warming er … er … climate change.


Everyone I know flies into a rage if anyone should raise the slightest question about global warming er … er … climate change.


Donald Trump lies and says he believes in climate change.


Even disgusting vicious ICE agents who wrangle 4-year-old Mexican babies and put them in prison cages believe in climate change.


Who do I think I am to question global warming er … er … climate change.


So I decided before I release it to play it safe and show this column to my wife, the beautiful Judy Licht, and get her opinion.


Judy flew into a rage and asked me the usual three-word question she asks when she thinks I’ve crossed over the line: “ARE YOU CRAZY?”


Then she said, “You can doubt Santa Claus. You can even doubt the Easter Bunny. But you must never doubt climate change.


“You run this column and you will destroy the Della Femina name forever.


“You run this column and we will never be invited to another swanky Hamptons dinner.


“You run this column and they won’t even invite us to a political fund raiser for Chuck Schumer.


“You run this column and our grandchildren will never get into a hideously expensive nursery school.”


Then she fumed, “As for me, I’m changing my name.”


“What’s wrong with the name Judy?” I asked.


“Not Judy, you dope. I’m dropping the name Della Femina.”


“Hold it,” I pleaded. “I have a way to run the column and take the pressure off me and put it on to another guy.”


“Show me,” snarled Judy, “if you want to save this marriage.”


And so, dear friends, here is a column I recently read by a great writer, John Podhoretz.


Podhoretz writes: “Al Gore likes to say that the science of climate change is “settled.” But of course, science, almost by definition, is settled. And climate science has always suffered from the problem of shaky and missing data.


“Seventy percent of the globe is covered by ocean, where data is hard to collect. Reliable weather records only go back to about 1850 and, in many parts of the world, are far more recent. Modern recording weather stations date only to the early 20th century.


“And many of those stations have a big problem. While they haven’t changed appreciably over the years, the land around them has changed, often profoundly, with the great growth in urban and suburban areas. The weather station that was put, say, in the middle of a Nassau County, Long Island, potato field in 1923 is still in the same spot. But the potatoes are long gone, and now it’s behind a strip mall, twenty feet from the kitchen exhaust fan of a Chinese take-out joint.


“A study by meteorologist Anthony Watts found that almost 90 percent of the 1221 weather stations in the U.S. did not meet the National Weather Service’s setting standards, which requires that they be at least 100 feet from any artificial heat source or radiating surface. You can see some of the most egregious violators here. To deal with this defective information, climate scientists have “adjusted” the data to solve this problem. Invariably, these adjustments have made earlier data show lower temperatures, and recent data show higher ones.


“To develop reliable data, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) placed 114 state-of-the-art weather stations relatively evenly spaced about the lower 48 states. They were carefully sited to be away from urban areas, which are heat islands, airports, which can be affected by jet exhaust, etc.


“The system became operative in 2005. Now realclearenergy.com is reporting that there has been no increase in average temperatures in the continental United States over the last 14 years, as measured by these new stations. If anything, overall temperatures are slightly cooler than they were.


“One big reason for this lack of warming is surely the explosion in U.S. natural gas production thanks to fracking. The U.S. is now, by far, the number-one producer of natural gas, producing 90 billion cubic feet a day, 25 percent more than second-place Russia. This has brought the price of natural gas to its lowest point in 20 years, which has resulted in a big shift from producing power by burning coal to burning natural gas, which produces 50 percent less carbon dioxide. (The shale gas revolution has vast geopolitical implications, of course, as well as climatic ones.)


“As a result, the U.S. CO2 emissions are down to where they were in 1985 – a third of a century ago, when the GDP was half what it is now in inflation-adjusted terms, and the population was smaller by a quarter. No other industrialized country has come anywhere close to reducing their emissions by so much.”


HOLD IT. As a new politically correct American, I say we can’t let John Podhoretz get away with those thoughts, whether they make sense or not. And so I’m ready to join with Al Gore and the lovely boob Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and overly concerned celebrities like Leonardo DiCaprio and Kim Kardashian plus ALL GOOD-THINKING POLITICALLY CORRECT AMERICANS. We will form a posse and we will go to John Podhoretz’s home and, as they used to say in the old Western movies: If he fails to see the error of his ways “WE WILL STRING HIM UP.”



-If you wish to comment on “Jerry’s Ink” please send your message to jerry@dfjp.com

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