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  • Writer's pictureJerry Della Femina


#MeToo strikes again.

Everyone hide. The culture police are on the march.

#MeToo, which started out as a great movement that exposed some horrible, disgusting men, is now turning into “Big Brother,” or should I say “Big Sister,” and is coming after a harmless song that people have enjoyed since the 1940s.


I really can’t stay

(But baby its cold outside)

I gotta go away

(But baby it’s cold outside)

This evening has been

(Been hoping that you’d drop in)

So very nice

(I’ll hold your hands they’re just like ice)

My mother will start to worry

(Beautiful, what’s your hurry?)

My father will be pacing the floor

(Listen to the fireplace roar)

So really I’d better scurry

(Beautiful, please don’t hurry)

Well maybe just a half a drink more

(I’ll put some records on while I pour)

The neighbors might think

(Baby it’s bad out there)

Say what’s in this drink?

(No cabs to be had out there)

I wish I knew how

(Your eyes are like starlight now)

To break this spell

(I’ll take your hat, your hair looks swell)

I ought to say no, no, no sir

(Mind if move in closer?)

That song, written by the great Frank Loessor, is 74 years old. 

Your grandmother was singing it in 1944.

If it didn’t corrupt your granny it won’t corrupt you.

Unfortunately some politically correct, militant fema-nazis and liberal know-it-alls, along with internet punks who just can’t resist the temptation to tell you how to live your life, are saying “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” is no longer politically correct.

Radio stations in Canada, Cleveland, San Francisco, etc., who will never be honored for having profiles in courage, are banning a 74-year-old song from their listeners.

“Baby, It’s Cold Outside” is a song written about two people who are talking themselves into going to bed and enjoying each other.

Anyone who says it’s a “rape” song is beyond being a stiff, humorless sad sack.

And do you know what’s frightening?

It won’t end here. The sourpuss people who want to manipulate your sex life and make it just as boring and empty as theirs will find something wrong with every song.

Take “Santa Baby” by Eartha Kitt (a gorgeous, sultry woman I’ve had the hots for since I was 15 years old).

Check these sexy hot lyrics:

Santa baby, slip a sable under the tree for me

Been an awful good girl

Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa baby, a ‘54 convertible too convertible too, light blue

I’ll wait up for you, dear

Santa honey, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa baby, I want a yacht and really that’s not a lot

Been an angel all year

Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

To all those politically correct fools who think the “Santa Baby” song is all about a sexy woman who appears to be ready to “boff” old Santa in return for some nifty gifts I say:

Do you idiots really still believe in Santa?

I’ll bet #MeToo and some politically correct idiots want the cowardly radio stations to also stop playing “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.”

And while you’re at it, why don’t you push the cowards at radio stations to stop playing “White Christmas.”

White Christmas … WHITE! Tell me that song isn’t racist.

And it was written by a man whose last name is the same as a capital city in a country we were at war with in the 1940s – Irving Berlin. And his religion doesn’t celebrate Christmas. Irving Berlin was Jewish. And “White Christmas” was sung by Bing Crosby, a man whose film career mostly showed him impersonating a priest. If “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” must go, “White Christmas” must go, too.

With this kind of constipated thinking, the politically correct liberal morons will take over music.

They must be stopped.

What the fools want is for you to be as sexually unhappy as they are. They can’t be allowed to succeed.

And so in honor of sexual joy and seduction that can make both men and woman happy I offer the Della Femina Seduction method, using music and alcohol.

Guaranteed to work. It starts with a drink, My Marvelous Margarita:

1) Squeeze the juice of one and a half fresh limes in a blender.

2) Add 4 ounces Jose Cuervo Gold Tequila.

3) Then add four ounces of Cointreau. Do not use Triple Sec; it’s crap. The secret to a great margarita is fresh lime juice, good-quality tequila, Cointreau and plenty of ice in the blender.

4) When you have a frosty mass of margarita, run the squeezed lime around the rim of a glass. Dip the rim in salt, add more ice to two glasses, pour and enjoy.

Now, the night must not end with margaritas.

You’ll need some sexy music to turn yourselves on.

My iPod has been programmed to play some of the sexiest music known to mankind.

I have 148 songs in my sexy music playlist and my fear of causing a dramatic rise in the world’s population keeps me from revealing all 148 songs, but here are just 10 I’ve selected at random:

“Body Heat” ... Quincy Jones

“Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)” ... The Eurythmics

“Gaucho” ... Steely Dan

“Moonglow and Love” ... Theme from “Picnic” (Corny, but it works. Think William Holden and Kim Novak dancing.)

“A Whiter Shade of Pale” ... Annie Lennox

“Floating” ... Julee Cruise

“Love Is Stronger Than Pride” ... Sade

“Desafinado” ... Stan Getz and Charlie Byrd

“I’m in the Mood for Love” ... Julie London

“Smooth Operator” … Sade

The moral of this column is enjoy alcohol, music and consensual sex, and don’t let the grinches win.

-If you wish to comment on “Jerry’s Ink” please send your message to

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