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  • Writer's pictureJerry Della Femina


So the other night I was stretched out in bed in a fetal position with my thumb in my mouth mourning my wasted life. My first sour thought was, “I will be long dead before my hapless New York Giants will field a winning football team.”

I searched for something that I should be thankful for on this Thanksgiving. “Let me see where I am at this stage of my life,” I thought.

That idiot Bill de Blasio is still my mayor. Where does he stand among the worst mayors this city has ever had?

Right at the tippity top.

I go back to Mayor Vincent Impellitteri, who was in the pocket of gangster Frank Costello. He was a terrible mayor, but you could trust the Mafia more than you can trust de Blasio.

William O’Dwyer was another terrible mayor who stole a fortune from the city.

De Blasio? It’s not that he’s not honest. I believe that de Blasio is a twinky and he’s too dumb to steal.

Meanwhile, under his reign, our streets resemble the broken streets of Karachi, Pakistan.

Traffic is close to being at a standstill because de Blasio has taken lanes out of every avenue and added bicycle paths in an attempt to turn one of the largest cities in the world into a tiny town like Copenhagen.

On Thursday, along with thousand of other drivers, I sat for hours in a horrible traffic jam in Manhattan because de Blasio’s Sanitation Department forgot to salt and clean the streets.

De Blasio’s excuse: He blamed the television weather reporters because the “storm” dropped a few more inches of snow than they had predicted.

What’s more, de Blasio has great political ambitions and sees himself as running for president some day.

He will get plenty of votes because dopey Democrats – like dopey Republicans – vote for their party instead of the most qualified candidate.

Then there’s President Trump, who is the third worst president in our nation’s history, with Jimmy Carter and Barack Obama running one-two in the horrible president sweepstakes.

Democrats should wake up to the fact that a liar and a buffoon like Donald Trump would have never been elected if he didn’t succeed a sweet, articulate fraud like Barack Obama.

Think of the hundreds of thousands of innocent Syrians – men, women and children – who would still be alive if Obama had the balls to back up his “Don’t cross this red line” statement and bombed that monster Assad for killing thousands of his people with germ warfare.

As for Trump, he should have been charged with cruelty to children and jailed for taking thousands of children, some as young as 2 or 3 years old, away from their parents and putting them in cages in his phony “deport immigrants” ploy.

And who wins the “turkey” title for the dumbest state in the nation? New Jersey.

They re-elected Bob Menendez, an almost-convicted crook and patron of teen-age prostitutes, to the United States Senate.

And so we come to the biggest turkey, and my official choice as the worst person in the world.

Her name is Evelyn Arroyo Maultsby.

This is an item from the New York Post that ran the day after that crook Menendez was re-elected by the fools who live in New Jersey:

“Among the revelers at Menendez’s election-night headquarters in Hoboken was Evelyn Arroyo-Maultsby — a juror at his federal corruption trial last year.

“She was wearing a Menendez campaign t-shirt.”

I realized I was getting too morose, and I noticed my sweet little dog Shlomo was hiding all the sharp instruments in the house.

So I’m going to cheer up. Here goes:

I’M THANKFUL that our country was once run by the Greatest Generation, and these brave men and women, Democrats and Republicans, deserve our thanks.

I’M THANKFUL that someone sent me this joke five years ago:

Q: What’s the difference between Greta Van Susteren and Donald Trump?

A: Greta only talks out of one side of her mouth.

I’M NOT SO THANKFUL that so many people who wrote me nasty letters when I published that same joke using Barack Obama five years ago are in total agreement with me today, but they never call and they never write.

I’M THANKFUL that my wife, the beautiful Judy Licht, has never once shopped during that roller derby we call Black Friday.

I’M NOT SO THANKFUL that she treats every other day of the year as though it were Black Friday.

I’M THANKFUL for all my wonderful friends and family. They light up my life.

Have a great Thanksgiving.

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