TRUMP CRAZIES VERSUS BIDEN CRAZIES (8/31/21)
Do you know the difference between fervent, fanatical, incredibly loyal Trump followers and liberal progressive Democrats?
There is no difference.
Both groups think they are right on any subject and the other side is always wrong and made up of criminal dopes who are destroying the United States.
Both groups will forgive and forget anything their leader has done and refuse to ever consider that their leader (Trump or Biden) is a phony, cunning liar.
Meanwhile, stuck in the middle between these idiots, are hundreds of millions of people like me and my wife, the beautiful Judy Licht.
We look at both those crazy sides the same way we look at those fools who proudly proclaim they’re against the lifesaving Covid-19 vaccine because they will never allow the truth and reality to come near their whacked-out, dopey, baseless opinions.
Have you noticed how liberals Dems took the Biden Afghanistan disaster?
They decided to talk about the greatest airlift in history…another Berlin airlift. Oh, did we lose 13 brave soldiers, and did we leave our equipment and millions of innocent people at the mercy of the Taliban? Oh…oh…let’s not think about that.
Did we ever tell you what a great $5 trillion domestic plan we have that will even leave Bernie Sanders happy, and you know what a grouch he can be sometimes.
Biden took the old “The Buck Stops Here” route.
First, of course, Biden said, “The Buck Stops Here,” but it’s Trump’s fault – he started to give up Afghanistan first and then he forced me to follow his lead.
Then Biden said, “The Buck Stops Here,” but sneaking out and giving up the Bagram Air Base and leaving all our equipment there was our generals’ and military’s fault.
And finally, a note to our television and our radio stations: Please…please…we beg you…
Please don’t run that clip of Biden in that phony Clint Eastwood voice telling Isis-K terrorists he is going to follow them to the ends of the earth and destroy them.
Like Donald Trump, Joe Biden is another lying, bumbling, useless politician we are stuck with.
It’s almost Labor Day and that brings us to the end of the Delta Covid summer that almost never was.
Let’s go into autumn on a happier note.
Here’s an old column that might help…
WHO TURNED OFF THE SEXUAL SEDUCTION MUSIC OF OUR TIME?
There was a time before the MeToo finger-pointers and the Politically Correct Mafia told us how to live and love.
There was a time before the disgusting Jeffery Epsteins and Harvey Weinsteins and Bill Cosbys polluted the sexual waters forever.
There was a time – the1960s…the 1970s…and a good part of the 1980s – when sex was free and easy and everyone enjoyed and, yes, respected each other.
It was a time when everyone had his or her favorite sexual seduction song.
At the end of a wonderful night with great food, perhaps some cannabis, a few margaritas and then glasses of wine clinking and some deep sensual looks into each other’s eyes and then came the pièce de résistance: a song, the perfect song, came on and you both moved closer and then…you know…you know…
But what was the seduction song? It depends. The song changes as one gets older. When I was young, 16, it didn’t matter what the song was.
When I was young, 16, even “The Star Spangled Banner” could cause instant arousal.
The fact is everyone reading this, both men and women, are now thinking of the song whose lyrics turned them on. Was it the rock and roll era’s “Earth Angel,” “Sincerely” and “Pledging My Love”? Was it Johnny Mathis crooning “It’s Not For Me To Say” or Nat King Cole singing “Unforgettable” or Frank Sinatra’s “Wee Small Hours” setting the mood?
Seduction music was different in all parts of the country.
For example, if you lived in Texas and you were in a hurry you might put on this country classic by Don Williams, which gets down to business fast with this lyric:
“Kick off your shoes
Pull down the shade
Turn out the light
And love me tonight.”
Here is my choice for the greatest seduction song of all time:
HELP ME MAKE IT THROUGH THE NIGHT
“Take the ribbon from your hair
Shake it loose and let it fall
Layin’ soft upon my skin
Like the shadows on the wall
Come and lay down by my side
Till the early mornin’ light
All I’m takin’ is your time
Help me make it through the night
I don’t care what’s right or wrong
I don’t try to understand
Let the devil take tomorrow
Lord, tonight I need a friend
Yesterday is dead and gone
And tomorrow’s out of sight
And it’s sad to be alone
Help me make it through the night.”
Who could resist Kris Kristofferson’s moody, desperate, lonely guy lyrics.
Starting in 1969, when the song was written, a make-out session between two consenting adults with “Help Me Make It Through the Night” playing in the background launched a billion mercy f*u*ks.
But it ended as all good things must end. When did sexy seduction music go out of our lives?
As best as I can say, it was the late 1980s, when a whole generation of young people discovered rap – the least sexy music in the history of mankind.
Allow me the demonstrate some typical rap lyrics and tell me if you feel the stirring in your loins:
“Ex-Girlfriend” by Esham
“I used to love her, too bad I had to put a slug through her
Dumped her body in the trash like I never knew her
Blood runnin down the gutter into the sewer.”
Or how about these notable lovey-dovey lyrics by A.CHAL:
“I could never be mad at you
Pussy remedy like a Tylenol
Remember being broke, I was eyein’ you
Now I have you.”
Or here’s a great favorite:
“Do you like the way I flick (CENSORED) or nah?
You can (CENSORED) until you (CENSORED)
Can you lick the (CENSORED) or nah?
Can you let me (CENSORED) out or nah?”
And who can forget this love letter to women:
“I need me a down (CENSORED) up stick around bitch,
I need me a proud bitch, a proud to be around bitch
This ain’t every day, she knows it’s a blessing bein’ around this (CENSORED)
She with it long as I (CENSORED) I remind her of her oath,
Now she reminisces I’m the ride or die type.”
Is there any way we can turn off this rap ugliness and forget the MeToo monsters and the politically correct idiots and have a sexy night again?
Can long-married, long-suffering couples reading this discover each other again? Even if it’s just for one night.
Let me supply the greatest “turn-on” music.
Here’s part of a playlist of “can’t miss” music I’ve compiled over the years. Play it as background music for this adventure:
1. “Moonglow” from the movie “Picnic.” Instrumental only.
2. “The Sweetest Gift”…Sade.
3. “Come Together”…Tina Turner.
4. “Je t’Aime Moi Non Plus”…Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin.
5. “I’ll Be Seeing You”…Sarah Vaughan.
6. “Floating”…Julee Cruise.
7. “A Whiter Shade of Pale …Annie Lennox.
8. “Desafinado”…Antonio Carlos Jobim.
9. “Love Is Stronger Than Pride”…Sade.
10. “Babylon Sisters”…Steely Dan
SO, HERE’S MY RECIPE FOR A GREAT NIGHT:
Score some weed. Make some strong drinks. Put on my “can’t miss” music.
And see what happens.
NOTE TO MEN OVER 75: TAKE A SMALL BABY ASPIRIN BEFORE YOU START.
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