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  • Jerry Della Femina

TWO JEWS WALK INTO A BAR…



Wait a minute, I can’t use that joke in a headline.


Humor is dead.


These are politically correct, constipated days.


I will get a million emails from people who will object.


“Why two Jews?”


“Are you an anti-Semite and are you hinting that all Jews are drunks?”


“Are these two Jewish men? Are you hinting that Jewish women are not welcome in bars?”


“How about diversity? Wouldn’t it be better if you said a Jewish man and an African-American man go into a bar?”


“Wouldn’t the joke be more correct if it simply says ‘two persons walk into a bar’?”


Did you watch the Golden Globe Awards on television? How boring was that? The hosts were walking on eggshells, afraid to offend any group.


Plan to watch the Academy Awards? They are going to be even more boring than the Golden Globes because there will be no host.


Comedian Kevin Hart had been picked to host the Oscars, and he would have been great, but then someone remembered a joke he made as part of his act years ago.


It seems that in 2011 Hart made a joke about not wanting his young son to play with his sister’s dollhouse because it was “gay.”


Naturally those profiles in courage at the Academy called Hart and gave him an ultimatum: apologize for his old tweets and jokes or step down as host of the Oscars.


Hart said no, he wouldn’t apologize, and he quit the job, saying: “I swear, man, our world is becoming beyond crazy. I’m not going to let the craziness frustrate me or anger me.”


The fact is, humor is dead. There are millions of people ages 18 to 60 whose “sense of humor” is restricted to jokes about Donald Trump.


We can’t laugh at (or with) Swedes, Poles, Greeks, Blacks, Hispanics, fat people, Italians, skinny people, rich people, poor people, gay people, midgets, handicapped people, transgenders, Catholics, Muslims, Indians, Buddhists, Asians. And of course Eskimos. Especially Eskimos, a sensitive group who would rather rub noses than kiss each other. How sensitive can you get?


What kind of a bigoted bastard would make a joke about an Eskimo?


Lenny Bruce and George Carlin and Richard Pryor are spinning in their graves.


When asked about how far comedy should go, Carlin said, “It’s a comedian’s duty to find the line and deliberately cross over it.”


Carlin also said, “I expect censorship from the right but from the politically correct … that took me by surprise.”


A quote from the internet says it all: “While people have always found something to be offended by, their ability to organize a groundswell of opposition to – and public censure of – their offender has never been more powerful. Today we’re all one clumsy joke away from public ruin.”


On that note, let me turn to a joke about Jesus that someone sent me.


If it offends your politically correct side, do me a favor. Keep it to yourself.


I’ve had it up to here with all of you politically correct Nazi idiots.


JESUS


There were three arguments that Jesus was Black:


1. He called everyone brother 2. He liked gospel 3. He didn’t get a fair trial


But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:


1. He went into his father’s business 2. He lived at home until he was 33 3. He was sure his mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God


But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:


1. He talked with his hands 2. He had wine with his meals 3. He used olive oil


But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:


1. He never cut his hair 2. He walked around barefoot all the time 3. He started a new religion


But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was a Native American:


1. He was at peace with nature 2. He ate a lot of fish 3. He talked about the Great Spirit


But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:


1. He never got married 2. He was always telling stories 3. He loved green pastures


But the most compelling evidence of all – three proofs that Jesus was a woman:


1. He fed a crowd at a moment’s notice when there was virtually no food 2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn’t get it 3. And even when he was dead, he had to get up because there was still work to do.



-If you wish to comment on “Jerry’s Ink” please send your message to jerry@dfjp.com

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