I'm going with an old column this week because I'm depressed that there's nothing funny in the world we live in.
There is sickness and death and people marching in the streets demanding "Change."
Change to what?
Who knows?
The people marching today are the grandchildren of the people who marched and demanded change in 1968, a number of whom changed their minds about change and started their own hedge funds.
There is a difference. The people who rebelled in 1968 had the courtesy to occasionally mishandle the dynamite in their possession and blow themselves up.
This group is more safety conscious and they're taking out their frustrations on statues who can't fight back.
WE'RE SCREWED ... THE SEX ROBOTS ARE COMING!!
They're everywhere.
They're in London, where a sex robot parlor charges £50 for half an hour for sex with one robot, while two hours costs £130.
They're in Paris, where sex robot brothel customers are lining up to romp with cold hard pieces of plastic instead of real, soft, warm women.
They're in China, where internet reports indicate that Chinese sex doll makers have created a sex robot that will even laugh at a customer's jokes. The creation is powered by artificial intelligence and also functions as a sex robot that humans can have sex with.
It's the latest product from Dalian, China-based firm EXDOLL, which says their robot is designed to work just like the Amazon Alexa digital assistant or Apple's Siri smart speaker.
The sex robot will use built-in microphones to listen to what a customer says, and will be able to tell when they're joking, prompting a laughter response.
Sex robots were in Italy, but the good news is that LumiDolls bordello in Turin was shut down by police less than two weeks after it opened.
As an Italian, you have no idea how proud and happy the news that they were closed down makes me.
I'm a libertarian and while it's not my cup of tea, I think prostitution should be legalized because it will help drive out the pimps and gangsters who are in control now.
But I draw the line at sex robots.
Frankly, I think the idea is anti-human and quite disgusting.
Do you know why men are running from women and turning to robots?
They're terrified of women.
In the 70s, 80s and 90s, men and women met at college, at work, in bars and, as the saying goes, "hooked up."
99% of the time it was consensual and a great time was usually had by all.
In those days a date between two consenting adults sometimes ended with glorious orgasms. Today a date is usually ended by the beginning of a lawsuit.
Militant feminists, politically correct freaks, internet busy-bodies and cell phone addiction has taken the fun out of sex.
Going on a not-so-innocent date in college sometimes requires filling out a 10-page form about intentions before a couple can share a simple goodnight kiss.
MeToo went from being a good thing that helped rid the world of disgusting sexual predators like Harvey Weinstein and Bill Cosby and Kevin Spacey.
But they haven't stopped there. Today, men who have engaged in consensual sex with their co-workers are being fired by their terrified corporations.
Matt Lauer, who admits he had consensual sex with some of his co-workers, was thrown under the bus by the gutless wonders at NBC.
Garrison Keillor, Tom Brokaw, Jonathan Schwartz and dozens of innocent men are being dragged through the mud by the media that loves sexual accusations whether they're true or not.
And it's not going to end there.
Now they're coming after those men who have turned to sex robots, too.
According to the Daily Beast, self-proclaimed cult leader Unicole Unicron signed off a recent video memo to followers with an important reminder: "Don't forget to ask your sex robot for consent."
The line was a hint at Unicron's latest business venture, Eve's Robot Dreams – a consent-focused robot brothel that the cult leader hopes to open in West Hollywood, California in the near future.
Details are scarce, but the idea is simple: Unicron expects to purchase and rent out sex robots by the hour to customers who want to make love to a life-size, talking sex robot – as long as the robot agrees to it.
This is beyond creepy.
And wait until the sex robots have a say in their sexual future.
Robotics psychologist Rebekah Rousi has said, "We have to consider if robots will have their own sexual desires and what will motivate these desires.
"If the end goal is to create autonomous robots that are capable of independent thinking and feeling, the chances of humans maintaining power within these relationships is quite marginal."
This leads me to this fantasy:
Harvey Weinstein serves a few years in the stir and comes out vowing never to have sex with a real live woman.
So he turns to sex with a robot.
A few years go by and the robot turns him in to the District Attorney's office.
"I never agreed to have sex with Harvey. He took advantage of me.
"I only went with him because he promised me I would have a starring role in his new movie, 'The Best Robot Years of Our Lives.'
"Then he forced me to have sex with him.
"It was awful."
And so it goes …
Note: Much of the material in this column came from internet sources and the Daily Beast.
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