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  • Writer's pictureJerry Della Femina


The question: Can anyone tell me what Frank James, who unleashed a smoke bomb on a subway train, shot 10 commuters and had New York City in a panic, does for a living?

For the first time I can remember, not one news story has mentioned his occupation.

Where does he get his money?

Isn’t anyone, besides me, interested?

In the mid-1990s, Mr. James was charged with making terroristic threats after repeatedly calling his former workplace, Curtiss-Wright, an aviation technology company.

He apparently hasn’t worked for anyone since.

He has plenty of money: renting cars and rooms in Philadelphia, Chicago, Milwaukee, Fort Wayne, Pittsburgh.

He has a credit card in his name.

If you look at how fat he is it’s clear that he’s never missed a meal.

So where does his money come from?

Why isn’t our media interested?


“You know ‘that look’ women get when they want sex? Me neither.”

-Steve Martin

“Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant.”

-George Burns

“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.”

-Sharon Stone

As the hedge fund manager steps out of his Porsche, a truck goes racing by, taking the door off its hinges. “MY PORSCHE! MY BEAUTIFUL SILVER PORSCHE IS RUINED!” he screams. A police officer on the scene shakes his head in disgust. “UNBELIEVABLE,” he says. “YOU ARE SO FOCUSED ON MATERIAL THINGS THAT YOU DIDN’T EVEN REALIZE YOUR LEFT ARM WAS CUT OFF WHEN THE TRUCK HIT YOU.” The hedge fund manager looks down in absolute horror. “OH NO,” he cries. “MY ROLEX!!!!!”



Top signs that you might have been at a Trump Republican seder:

They refused to answer the four questions without a subpoena.

They demanded a recount of the ten plagues.

The afikomen was hidden in the Cayman Islands.

They refused to open the door for Elijah until they saw his immigration papers.

They didn’t understand why the Egyptians didn’t cure the plagues with hydroxychloroquine.

They kept saying, “When do we get to the miracle of the Jewish space lasers?”

And the number one sign that you might have been at a Trump Republican seder:

They ended the seder by singing, “Next year in Mar-a-Lago.”

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