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A CRAZY PUPPY AND A SEX-HAPPY LOVEBIRD

HELP! Dogs and birds have taken over my life. We now have 4, count them, 4 dogs running around the house in Bridgehampton. There’s my...

MY CONEY ISLAND

When it comes to beaches, nothing compares to the Hamptons. Malibu? It’s a puny strip of sand. Cannes? Great for bare boobs, but it’s a...

STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS

Did I ever tell you about when I had leprosy? It was really not that serious. Cured it with Pepto-Bismol. The fact is, I have had every...

THE WORLD’S MEANEST WOMAN

Every once in a while you read a story in the newspapers and you’re struck with how cruel people can be to each other. Take the story in...

WHEN OLD PEOPLE TAKE OVER THE WORLD

Do you want to live in a Bernie Sanders world where everything will be free except freedom? I don’t. This is our chance to take over the...

HELP! I'M STUCK IN RED TAPE AT THE DMV

As you’re reading this, I’m at the Department of Motor Vehicles, renewing my driver’s license. It doesn’t matter what time you’re reading...

WILL TRUMP FAIL AGAIN?

Have you flown on Trump Airline lately? No you haven’t, because Trump Airline failed. Have you known anyone to graduate from Trump...

WE ARE ALL SLAVES TO A 2X4-INCH GOD

Sometimes our dependence on cell phones can be amusing. The story I’m about to tell you is completely true. Someone I know and love, who...

SOMETHING TO MAKE YOU SMILE

From time to time my friends send me jokes. Since this is the week after Memorial Day (my, isn’t this summer going fast!), I’ve decided...

MY MOM AND MY SENTIMENTAL JOURNEY

I run this column for Mother’s Day every year. It’s kind of personal. If you read it and it inspires you to think about your mom, that...