I don’t know how to say this. I hope all my friends will not desert me. But I have to do this. I’ve decided to become WOKE. There are...

Who’s watching the Olympics besides a few billion Russians and Chinese? I’ll tell you who. Every four years my wife, the beautiful Judy...

Where are you going? I don’t know. We’ve been sitting here for two hours, I think I want to go into another room. Do you want me to come...

This is the last part of my contribution to “Street Smarts,” Rock Positano’s great new book: He was big. In a neighborhood where almost...

This column is dedicated to my good friend Dr. Rock Positano, the greatest foot doctor in the world, and his new book “Street Smarts,”...

Forget Covid. Forget that it’s freezing outside. Forget China. Forget that Vladimir Putin is thinking of starting World War III and we’re...

I’m ready for another booster shot. The problem is the CDC and the FDA are not ready to let me have another booster. If I lived in Israel...

All my life I’ve tried to stay away from negative people. Now, in 2022, I will stay away from positive people. The world has turned...

MY HOLIDAY MESSAGE FOR AOC, BERNIE SANDERS AND ALL THE OTHER WOKE, POLITICALLY CORRECT IDIOTS: Please accept with no obligation, implied...

We almost did it. We came so, so close. There were going to be 43 of us. The plan was to celebrate Christmas Eve together, like we’ve...

The teacher asked young Patrick Murphy, “What do you do at Christmas time?” Patrick addressed the class: “Well, Miss Jones, me and my...

Below is an old column that ran a few years ago on flirting. If anything, things are worse today. How can I flirt if half the other...

This is an old column from 2010 about nicknames. Where have they gone? When I was a kid almost everybody had a nickname. Some of them...

I’M THANKFUL I don’t live in Kenosha, Wisconsin. It’s a town of idiots, 12 of whom made up a jury that on Friday acquitted Kyle...

My FAVORITE JEWISH JOKE OF THE WEEK A Jewish girl tells her mom that she thinks she is pregnant. Very worried, the mother goes to the...

Joe Biden went to the Vatican and he and the Pope embraced and I’m sure that when they met in secret President Biden told the Pope that...

My good friend Dr. Rock Positano is the Director of the Non-Surgical Foot and Ankle Service at the Hospital for Special Surgery in New...

“I won’t say ours was a tough high school, but we had our own coroner.” -Lenny Bruce I love quotations, and I found the perfect book....

How did Mickey Mantle feel about midgets or, as we now say, little people? Did he ever pick up a woman at a bar and have sex with her and...

This week was Hamptons International Film Festival time. As usual, the Film Festival, which is one of the best things that ever happened...