MY BROTHER JOE (5/12/20)
This column came about because Denis Hamill, a wonderful writer and a good friend, encouraged me to write it. He said it this way: "My...
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GOOD NEWS FOR GRANDPARENTS (5/5/20)
GOOD NEWS FOR GRANDPARENTS: THE CORONAVIRUS WILL KEEP YOU FROM ATTENDING ANOTHER OF THOSE HORRIBLE END-OF-TERM SCHOOL MUSICALS One of the...
STOP THINKING ABOUT THE CORONAVIRUS FOR A FEW SECONDS AND THINK ABOUT FOOD (4/21/20)
The news is horrible, so I now spend each waking moment thinking about food. Try it. You'll like it. I'm now sharing my cooking fun with...
WOULD YOU BELIEVE PRESIDENT ANDREW CUOMO? (4/7/20)
It was bound to happen. Since I'm a Republican who didn't and won't vote for Trump, I feel I'm best qualified to advise Democrats (and,...
IN 1954 BC (BEFORE CORONAVIRUS) (3/31/20)
JEWS & ITALIANS IN THE SUMMER AND A MEMORY OF A STRIPPER NAMED GEORGIA SOTHERN (If you're like me, at this moment you're under house...
I NEVER SHOULD HAVE STOPPED SMOKING IN 1976 (3/24/20)
I could have beaten the coronavirus to the punch. Today I would be a wonderful dead memory. Instead I’m a live pain-in-the-ass being...
WHY I’M LEARNING TO LOVE THE CORONAVIRUS (3/17/20)
Don’t get mad at me. I know you’re cooped up in your home and both you and your spouse are having sweet, secret, never-to-be-revealed...
WHY YOU MUST NEVER RETIRE
-I’m in Miami visiting my beautiful, incredibly brilliant grandson Teddy, who is four months old. In the meantime, this is a rerun of a...
THIS WILL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER – MAYBE
Have you had it up to here with the coronavirus? Me too. It seems the media has decided that it’s great for their news ratings to go...
WATCHING MICHAEL BLOOMBERG TURNING INTO BUSTER PEPE
When you become older than dirt like I am now, you’re going to find that 99% of your past slowly goes off to live in a thick, dark,...
WHO KNOWS? (A Devious Fantasy Guaranteed to Scare the Pants Off of Every Democrat)
SCENE: A bar just outside Ossining, New York. There is no bartender. He has been paid to leave the room. The room is empty except for one...
WOULD YOU RATHER BE BURIED OR CREMATED?
-This is a re-run of a column that ran 3 years ago… The first thing my wife, the beautiful Judy Licht, said this morning was, “Would you...
ANOTHER BRILLIANT IDEA
I have this great idea. It stems from the fact that everyone is afraid of the coronavirus, which is ridiculous. It’s another media...
FOUND! A CURE FOR LONELINESS - ADOPT OR BUY YOURSELF A PUPPY
There’s a reason all of us spend so much time walking the streets desperately holding on to our cell phones. They’re our lifeline. A cell...
NOBODY ASKED ME, BUT
Every Friday in the New York Post, a great sportswriter named Jimmy Cannon used to write a column that I would devour. The column...
MORRIS AND SARA GO TO CENTRAL PARK
Years ago, when my kids were very young, I took them to the children’s playground in Central Park. My daughter was intrigued by the park....
IMUS
Don Imus, who died on December 27, was a good friend. I was a guest on his radio show many times. I used him to do advertising for my...
CHRISTMAS EVE IN BROOKLYN
I repeat this column every year. It’s about family and memories. This Christmas Eve when I’m cooking for over 40 members of my family I...
THE ONE THING I WANT TO HAPPEN BEFORE I DIE AND OTHER LESS-IMPORTANT STUFF
I’ve lived in the most incredible times in the history of mankind. Take television … We went from squinting at a tiny 10-inch screen with...
HUGS & KISSES
I am the most awkward of men. I watched “Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein” on TV the other day and noticed the similarities between...